Random News Commentary for April 2009

1. Kneel Before Saud - So the Republicans are up in arms this week because it looks like Obama bent over when greeting the Saudi King. Apparently this constitutes a "bow" which is unnacceptable. Good thing Obama didn't try to kiss him or go on a hand holding stroll, that would have really pissed off Republicans, who can't stand this sort of thing.

2. At least the Farmer and and the Cowman should be friends - Also getting Republican panties in a twist this week (so to speak) was the Iowa supreme courts decision to legalize gay marriages. Why get so upset? What is it about Republican marriages that they are so weak they're threatened with ruin by two guys in Iowa bonding for life? Or are they so full of closeted gays that the Republican party is just realistically concerned about all their sham Ted Haggard - Larry Craig type marriages? Is this what they see when they look in the mirror?

Perhaps they're worried that monogamous gays won't have time for all that:

3. Freewheelin' Teabaggin in the Gay Old Party - Yes this month the Republicans have literally been planning "Teabag parties" where they plan to "Teabag" the Democrats. These homophobic Hatemongers have literally declared their intention to Teabag congress and even Obama himself (At least they're getting more open minded racially). They have formed grass roots Teabagging groups all around the country to climax (ahem, so to speak) with a big "Teabagging day" on April 15th. I guess the good news is with all that teabagging going on they will all be pretty silent for awhile.

4. Obama's Seder - The white house held a traditional Jewish passover Seder this week. Great, after all this time thinking he's a secret muslim, now the Right's going to think he's a secret Jew. I wonder how long it took to clean all the Chametz out of the White House.

5. The Pirates of Penance - Pirates? Really? In the twenty-first century? This brings out my long lost childhood inner Hawk. We've had laws against piracy for hundreds of years. We have the world's largest navy. Why is international trade being held up by a few criminals in speedboats? A little enema from a MK 45 54 cal. 5 inch naval gun should be useful here - Pour encourager les autres.

Editor's Note: All preceding commentary was purely the opinion of the writer. It in no way should be construed as actual news analysis, having any relevance to the real world, or being funny at all. No gay Republicans were harmed in the making of this piece, whether dressed as pirates or not.

Courtesy Mark Hoolihan and the Hoolinet (www.hoolinet.com)