The Peewee Herman Song

Allright, this is very crude and I apologize for that. I did it back in college when Peewee was arrested for masturbating in a porno theater.

The Masturbator

(To the tune of "The Entertainer" by Billy Joel)

I am the masturbator, I know just where I stand
I'm in a dark theater, and I'm happy with my hand
Tonight I am a champion, alone I never fail
But I got my fame, people know my name, and I won't be here in another year
'Cause I'm gonna go to jail

I am the masturbator, although sometimes it's nice
Things I did not know at first, I learned by doing twice
Oh but sometimes it will haunt me, some people say I'm gay
But I like to dance with my hand in my pants
So what the heck, I'll be done in a sec
Then I'll go my merry way

I am the masturbator, I've been all around the world
I've played with lots of phalluses, I ain't got time for girls
I've been in lots of places, invented lots of games
Ah but what the hell you know it's just as well
Cause after a while and a thousand smiles, it all feels the same

I am the masturbator, this here is my song
I'd like to play a day or two, I can't last that long
Women are expensive, they take up too much time
For a certain fee, they'll get on their knees
But I'm proud to say that just ain't my way
Cause I just don't have the time

I am the masturbator, I've come to see the show
You've heard bad jokes about me, they've been on the radio
Ah for six years I was famous, they were the best years of my life
It was a beautiful time, the pleasure was mine
But if I wanna stay on top, the jerkin's gotta stop
So I guess I'm outta line

I am the masturbator, The idol of my age
I always get excited, when I go on the stage
My mug shot's in the papers, it's been in the magazines
But I won't stop if they lock me up
I'll be ready to rock in the solitary block
With my hand inside my jeans

(Repeat first verse)