Tuesday, August 09, 2022 ..:: Pop Culture » Leave It To Beaver ::..   Login
Site Navigation
  Old News

 Leave it to Beaver: The Later Years Minimize

When Leave it to Beaver was cancelled in 1963 many thought the picture perfect Cleaver family no longer reflected a turbulent America. In fact the whole family experienced the 60's to the fullest, but network executives thought the stories too shocking. Here are a few excerpts from the life of this iconic family.

1. Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver:
Young Theodore looked happy on the outside, but he was a cauldron of rage and frustration on the inside. An overbearing mother drinking to escape a loveless, often violent marriage, plus a household teeming with denial, bad language and extreme scrapbooking, led Beaver to run off to college at Berkeley, were he experimented with every drug known to man. Ultimately he was expelled for getting so high he led a protest against the War of Spanish Succession. (Leading Ronald Reagan to declare that the British occupation of Gibraltar was the only thing keeping America safe from Communism.) He died of an overdoes at Woodstock after freebasing a mixture of baby aspirin, birth control pills and Thalidomide that he purchased from Wavy Gravy.

2. Wally Cleaver:
Unlike his hippie brother, Wally was a model of hard work and good behavior. He graduated Summa cum Laude and quickly enlisted to fight in Vietnam. He was well decorated, having personally lifted the siege of Khe Sanh, taught Charlie to surf, and secretly spayed Ho Chi Minh's beloved cocker spaniel. Unfortunately he was fragged by his own troops, who thought him too much of a "goodie two-shoes" for 1968.

3. June Cleaver:
After reading The Feminine Mystique for the thirtieth time, June finally left her abusive, loveless marriage and found a passion for the feminist movement that replaced her overbearing parenting style.

She also was successful in the civil rights movement, learning to dialogue with other cultures.

4. Ward Cleaver:
Ward was never happy in his sham marriage to June, undertaken due to societal pressures. He took out his frustrations in alcohol. spousal abuse, extreme scrapbooking and a large collection of fitness magazines. After June left him, he moved in with his widower pal Steve Douglas, and helped raise his three sons as the lovable "Uncle Ward". Sadly, he was one of many "Uncles" who would live in that household during the next decade.

5. Eddie Haskell:
Surprisingly, Eddie Haskell had the best outcome of all. He was an A student in High School, went to Princeton and participated in the freedom rides during the civil rights movement. He went on to become a Senator and negotiated an end to the Grenada invasion. He retired in 2010 with accolades from both sides of the aisle as well as a grateful Grenadan government.

Tune in next week for another historic update: Lost in Space - Still Lost?


 Most Popular


Copyright © 1999-2016 Boniface Bugle Productions. All Rights Absurd.   Terms Of Use  Privacy Statement