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December 29, 2267

Oy, The Trouble With These Tribbles!

It's like were being overrun with these things. I was gonna throw them all out the airlock, but then my report hit Starfleet and all hell broke loose. Damn social media. Every nitwit on Myouterspace, Spacebook or a communicator with a twitter account weighed in and then the politicians started.

The Veganarian ambassador said we couldn't harm them as the little furballs were as important as any sentient being.  Then the Teapartiarians said that the Tribbles entered federation space illegally and thus were the greatest threat to our security ever. Seriously, WTF, I don't like the little furballs all over my ship, but security threat to the Federation? Did the Romulans and Klingons disappear?

Then Bones suggested we could at least stop them from breeding and that should contain the problem. Well guess what happened when the Federation heard about that. The religious nuts started crying about Tribble birth control as a threat to our moral values and who was going to pay for it? I said no one, we don't have money in the Federation, but FOXX started running with the story that government money was going for free birth control for stuffed animals. I'm not political or religious, how did I get into this?

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 Admiral Adama Minimize

See what I mean about too much tolerance. Space the first few you find, no exceptions. Pour Encourager les Autres. As one of our good friends once said, "The line must be drawn here, this far, no further!"

  

 Captain Archer Minimize

It's about time someone agreed with me. I know you're really referring to your overly intelligent sex toys Bill, but you see what happens with these immigrants. They dilute our racial purity and now they're bringing their sick sexual practices in. My tax dollars are not going for subsidized perversion for horny hairballs.

  

 Dr. Crusher Minimize

That is irrational, allowing tribbles to make their own choices in no way affects you or your values. Besides, despite what you see on FOXX, this isn't about tax dollars, we don't even have money in the Federation.

  

 Captain Archer Minimize

Don't give me that whiny feminist crap, this is about me, my freedom and the entire freedom of the Federation. I am sick of being persecuted here.

  

 Counselor Troi Minimize

Aren't you exaggerating a little over some plush pets? Besides, despite your constant harping on aliens I sense a little desire for E.T. to phone you up and bring that green woman with him. These tribbles have deep emotions and I'm sure their lives are worth as much as any life form in the entire galaxy.

  

 Captain Kirk Minimize

While I generally agree with you ladies, GOD YOU'RE ANNOYING!

  

 Captain Picard Minimize

You see? You see what I've been trying to tell you? Try saving the galaxy with these two annoying harpies offering nothing but endless platitudes and soft focus emotions.  That Crusher grows more shrill every year.  And don't even get me started on the boy...

  

 Captain Janeway Minimize

I see the hegemonic white male patriarchy is still running the future. How evolved.

  

 Delenn Minimize

Testify sister! Now you see what I put up with every day, not only on Minbar and in the Grey Council, but in this whole universe. Now I get what Leia was complaining about that night on Raisa.

  

 Captain Kirk Minimize

I am not having this discussion with you ladies again. Save it for a Women's Studies seminar at the Academy. Social media is no place for serious discussions. We've had enough of Godwin's law lately. I'll just deal with the Tribbles the best I can. Don't worry I'm not gonna kill them, I'll just have Scotty beam them on to a Klingon vessel. That'll make for a lighthearted ending and I'm sure it will end well for the Tribbles.

  

 Captain James T. Kirk Minimize

Age: 40

Here for: A fight if necessary, but love when I can get it.

Status: Single

Orientation: Swinger, baby, swinger

School: Starfleet Academy

Graduated: Technically yes, despite any rumors you heard.

Current Mood: Angry

Currently Listening to: Anything by Ted Nugent


  

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