If you're so concerned with fighting ships, why don't you design some that don't have the bridge explode no matter where they're hit?

So say we all! And your battle tactics could use some work. No one doubts your personal bravery Jim, but have you ever just won a battle outright instead of deploying some clever ruse or suicidal personal escapade?

You can do that? Just fight and destroy the enemy? Damn that would have been useful against the Borg. You wouldn't believe what they do when they "assimilate" you. Those nanobots aren't that small.

Yes Frenchie, you just lay alongside them and pound them until they give up. And I don't want to hear any jokes about "lay alongside them." Despite what Kirk says about naval traditions I was the captain Kirk of my day, if you know what I mean.

No clever ruse? No one way mission with the entire command staff and one anonymous red-shirted ensign? You just fight them? Who dies if not the anonymous red-shirted ensign? How do you win battles that way?

Try inspired leadership and tactical ability. And yes there are more casualties than anonymous ensigns. That's the price of victory. The point is to win battles decisively.

You don't even let them board and capture your ship a couple of times first?

No! If someone boards your ship just take a frakkin' gun and frakkin' shoot them. Don't go surrendering like a bunch of French sissy boys. No offense Jean Luc.

And make the survivors walk the plank. That's what I did with those Somali pirates. Bitches ain't dared to mess with me since. That's the lesson.

Arrrgh! Kill em' all and let the Flying Spaghetti Monster sort 'em out. Then have your way with their womenfolk.

And flogging. Don't forget to give them a good flogging.

What is it with you and flogging Crunch? I've been flogged a few times myself and I definitely did not enjoy it.

Oh you like it, you know you do.