Why is everyone so certain about what I'm thinking
Seems everyone's so sure my thoughts are exactly like theirs. Now it's the gay marriage thing again. There's a lot of stuff in Leviticus and Deutoronomy I'm not proud of. I was young, and frankly some of it's a bit silly. No pork, no shrimp, clothes of two different fibers etc. Marriage was between one man and one woman, or one man and several women, or one man and the virgin he raped. I'd at least respect someone who tried to follow all the laws, but these arrogant pricks selectively quoting annoy me. It's not like I appeared to any of them and said "Hey buddy, the Old Testament's a complete joke, except for all the gay stuff. I totally meant that."
Then there's the Mayans. Seems they want an Apocalypse in 2012 so they can get some publicity. The Mayans for my sake, they didn't even believe in me! If they were so good at seeing the future maybe they could have seen the end of their own civilization coming. Even if I had sent them a prophet they didn't need to hear eschatological pronouncements but someone to say "Stop practicing slash and burn agriculture, it's unsustainable in your environment. And quit deforesting the hillsides ya bunch of wankers."