December 10, 1941

So when I couldn't conquer England I decided to invade Russia, that really showed them. But now my armies are apparently stuck before Moscow, something about the weather. So I decided to declare war on America. That should totally make everything better.  I am the greatest military genius of all time.

I told the Japanese they were "honorary Aryans" Hah! I totally had my fingers crossed. I told the Hungarians and Romanians the same thing. Bunch of bitches.

I hope I'm remembered not just as a great military leader, but as a great man. I was talking to Heydrich the other day and I worried for a second. I want the smart, cool people to say my name with pride. I don't want to be mocked on some a-hole's website or only have illiterate rednecks and Pat Buchanan think highly of me. Besides, don't the Jews have some crimes against humanity to feel guilty about? I mean, have you ever seen a Pauly Shore movie?

The other night I had a dream that  I was being compared to some black, softspoken, moderate family man from Chicago who never hurt anyone. I woke up and thought whoa, I have got to take it easy on the weed before bedtime, these dreams are getting way too ridiculous.

I think I should cancel the jet fighter program and build flying tanks, that will really scare the Americans.