All hail the great leader! We think you're doing a great job. We're doing our part by being lazy and using up all the welfare while simultaneously taking away everyone's job. They're just so clever over at Fox News, that 600 million you just spent on border enforcement didn't stop them from realizing you're part of our evil conspiracy to destroy America by taking all the low paying jobs no one else wants. If only we had a strong work ethic like the Tea Partiers who spend their days watching the border our plan would come off so much quicker.

All hail the great leader! We're doing our part to destroy the country. Just a few more gay marriages and a little more tolerance towards us and all marriage will end and all children will be gay. But destroying the American work ethic is hard. If health care reform didn't do it, how about making a plan to shore up social security and medicare? I'm sure if you do that all Americans will cease to have any work ethic whatsoever.

All hail the great leader! The gays are right. They are doing a great job. We're so glad to be working with them in our plot to make America a fundamentalist Muslim country. If reforming medicare doesn't work, giving us the same equal rites as everyone else would surely destroy America. We're happy to work with the gays and Mexicans since we all want the same thing, but remember that we're the ones who really control you.

Wait a minute, I  thought we controlled him?

No we totally control him. Not only did we see it on Fox News, but we saw it on the internet as well.

Well we saw it on the internet too, so it must be true. Besides, you can't have a conspiracy theory without us popping up at some point. Maybe we're working together?

Sure, what the hell. It makes about as much sense as anything else people have said about us the last two years.

My dear, dear friends, let's not argue about the logic of gays and feminists working with religious fundamentalists, or Jews and Muslims working behind the scenes, of aid to the poor which destroys Christianity etc. The point is we're all working together to create one big gay, religiously muslim, mexican speaking, radical feminist, secretly Jewish, totally socialist country which we'll completely destroy so we can rule it together. It all makes sense so keep it secret and hope those geniuses at Fox News don't stay so hot on our trail.