Washington - The passage of Health Care Reform has caused much spirited emotion, in both Heaven in Hell.

In Heaven God himself wept, stating, "How could my children have done this? Keeping poor people from taking their children to the doctor was the last spark of my light on earth. Truly the Antichrist will reign now."

Jesus also expressed dismay, "How could people turn themselves from my message so much? If poor people can go to the doctor and they're children too then truly I have failed in everything I did. Did no one read the bible? The message is clear - Keep the poor from getting healed! Oh humanity, how can you sin so?"

The Founding Fathers were more outraged in their reaction, "We wanted a free country where the rich had health care and the poor suffered. If poor children can see a doctor then truly Democracy itself has come to an end. We came together to create a new country, a beautiful place where poor people got sick and died and no one cared. If just one poor sick child gets to see a doctor then surely there is no freedom any more. How could America destroy itself so?"

There was some celebration over the passage of health care - in Hell!

Satan couldn't stop laughing, only muttering between guffaws, "I did it, the greatest project I ever undertook. Once enough poor people can go to a doctor the Antichrist will reign and all goodness on earth will come to an end."

Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Mao, Caucescu, Kim Il Sung and a host of nasty people you never heard of until 2009 but now think represent everything that's evil were all laughing and dancing and eating Christian babies in the joy that comes from knowing that all their evil plots were finally fulfilled now that poor children might get some access to health care in a few years. Truly Hell itself could not have concocted a more evil plot than Health Care Reform, the greatest horror to ever appear on earth.

This totally objective, rational, non-political look at the issue was brought to you by FAUX News. FAUX News - Fair and Balanced. It's only a coincidence that everything anyone ever says on our network is exactly the same as Republican talking points. If you think for a moment we're right wing propaganda it's only because you're a dangerous progressive who loves Hitler, Stalin, Satan and child torture.