Written in 2008 after Bush once again said it was all worthwhile.
Washington - pResident Bush today gave another ridiculous, Orwellian, completely divorced from reality speech on Iraq. This time he claimed the Iraq war was definitely "worth it." The following are some excerpts from that speech:
"The war in Iraq has definitely been worth all the sacrifices and cost - for me. I have definitely benefitted from all the suffering and hardship this war has created. I got to be a war pResident and call my critics unpatriotic. I got to completely distract people from the fact that I failed to catch bin Laden. Heck, I even distracted them from the fact that all my reasons for going to war were false. I also got to use the war as an excuse to give tax cuts to the rich while racking up huge deficits because of the war. Even I don't follow the logic on that one"
"Of course it's not only me who benefitted. Halliburton and many other corrupt companies have made a fortune 'rebuilding' Iraq despite the fact that it's still a disaster area. We have to take their shareholders into account when we calculate the benefits of this war as well."
"And let's not forget Al Qaeda. In 2002 they were a small scared organization on the run. Because of Iraq they're a growing organization, with new recruits joining up because of this war every day. And because we're stuck in Iraq they're actually regaining ground in Afhanistan. You're welcome bin Laden. I don't know anything better we could have done to screw up the war against terror than invade and occupy a muslim country that had nothing to do with 9-11."
"And of course there's North Korea, Iran, Russia and Venezuela. Having our army stuck in Iraq was a green light to every tinpot dictator out there: make trouble, oppress your own people, get WMDs there's nothing the US can do about it. They heard the call and they're grateful for the opportunity."
"China is another big winner here. With our economy faltering and our debt growing, they've been able to basically take over our financial assets and our future. When we have to grovel to China throughout this century, I hope people remember to thank me for what I did, taking the world's strongest economy and turning it into a beggar."
"Lastly, let's not forget the humor writers. My administration has made so many obvious mistakes here I've given them material for years. From the John Stewarts and the Jay Lenos down to every idiot with a website who thinks they're funny but really isn't. Overall, yes this was worth it,can you imagine a world where none of this was true?"